Today, our hearts beat reluctantly, weighted by the burden of a shameful failure and bound by the chains of a deception gone awry. It is unfortunate that we are writing this in the midst of what has been a fantastic year for everyone's favorite "trivia destination": Readership is up 12 times from what it was this time last year, and our google module is now installed on 18 percent of all Google custom homepages [Ed. note: these "facts" are from Gullible.info, .:. they are not true]. Yes, if it weren't for a few recently transpired events, this may have very well been a day of celebration. Instead, it is a bitter time of self-loathing and tears.
However, you might still be as unaware of the situation as all of us here at Gullible.info were until a few days ago; we will elaborate.
Here at Gullible.info we pride ourselves on being a clearing house for fascinating and tantalizing tidbits. In a word: trivia! Early last month, our automated fact extracting system found a fascinating bit of information from a TV broadcast, The Colbert Report: "The elephant population has tripled in the last six months." Needless to say, this piqued our interests. After a quick trip to Wikipedia to verify its authenticity, the "fact" was queued up to run on August 24, 2006.
It was only later that we learned from our diligent readers that the elephant population had not tripled in the last six months. What's more, it would be physically impossible for this to happen, given the long gestation periods of pachyderms.
Naturally we were shocked, as you must be, too. How could we have made such an egregious mistake? The answer it turns out, was far more sinister than just a simple error. Gullible.info was deliberately misled by Stephen Colbert, host of the wildly popular Colbert Report.
Mr. Colbert, under the guise of "discussing" the nature of Wikipedia, goaded his loyal legions into editing pages about elephants to include a statement, which he said "would be a real blow to the environmentalists." Colbert even admits his information wasn't necessarily grounded in reality (as he said: "I don't know if that's actually true"). But what was the partisan lie he pushed? You guessed it... "The elephant population has tripled in the last six months."
Readers: We have let you down, and for this our hearts ache. You turn to us for whimsey and fancy, but instead we gave you candies made of mud. In no way are we trying to avoid our deserved responsibility in this matter; had we been more precise in our practices this whole situation could have been avoided. On the other hand, would you stand by a man who poisoned our water supply as Mr. Colbert has poisoned our information supply? I wouldn't go as far as to use the phrase "information terrorist," but that's what some insiders have been calling this little stunt.
Stephen Colbert: shame on you. You have a duty to the American people you must uphold. After all, were you not the man who coined the word "truthiness?"
-The Hardworking Team at Gullible.info
P.S., We have begun an internal review of our entire research and fact checking procedures, in case those in an information dissemination role, like Stephen Colbert, learn no lessons from all this.
P.P.S., In addition to more rigorous fact checking, we will also be marking our dubious mistakes with this:
Finally, and again, we are so sorry for this terrible mistake. If you have any additional questions or concerns, please let us know.
